


i will be strong (nothing can tear us apart)

by screamqueen18



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Miscarriage, Vaguely implied Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 21:31:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12093846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screamqueen18/pseuds/screamqueen18
Summary: They didn't even know she was pregnant. Hope, Kelley, and Carli are faced with a loss they didn't know about until it was too late.





	i will be strong (nothing can tear us apart)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This has been in my head for ages, and I'm finally putting it up on here. It's kind of sad/angsty, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!
> 
>  
> 
> tw:miscarriage

She groaned as she pulled the covers over her body again. The sweat soaked sheets were twisted. The midfielder sighed as she leaned over the edge, vomiting into a trashcan she’d placed at the side. 

A buzzing on her nightstand made her sigh. She wiped her mouth and fumbled for a water bottle she’d placed on the table, before grabbing her phone. 

“Hey babe,” she croaked tiredly.

“You sound terrible,” Kelley replied, crinkling her nose.

“It’s just the flu,” Carli sighed, not wanting to worry the younger woman even more by telling her the truth.

“Have you gone to the doctor?” the defender asked. She leaned back against her headboard and listened to Carli talk.

“Yes,” Carli sighed. “There’s nothing they can do for me.”

“Really?” Kelley asked skeptically.

“Really,” Carli confirmed. 

“I can fly out.” Kelley offered. “You know I would.”

“You have a game,” Carli said firmly. “You can’t fly out here just because I’m sick.”

“I can too,” Kelley protested. “I’d do it in a heartbeat. So would Hope.”

Carli shook her head. “Just focus on your game,” she muttered. “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Kelley asked. “You’re sick and you’re all the way in England….”

“You two came and saw me….what a month or so ago?” Carli asked. “Just play your game. I’ll be fine.”

“Babe,” Kelley protested. “I don’t like this, you’re sick and in another country.”

“I’ll be fine Kel,” Carli promised. “I’ll talk to you later okay?”

“Okay,” Kelley said softly. “Love you.” 

“Love you too,” Carli said before hanging up. 

“Fuck,” she muttered burying her head in her hands. She glanced down at the pile of clothes in the corner, before looking away, not ready to face reality yet.

“Did you tell them?” a soft voice asked from the doorway.

“No,” she muttered. “I couldn’t, not yet.”

“When are you going to tell them?”

“I don’t know,” Carli sighed. “They didn’t even know.”

“They’ll be devastated,” she muttered rubbing her eyes.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know it’s not,” Carli said, looking Heather in the eyes. “But still, yes it is. It’s my fault.”

“Car,” Heather sighed, moving to sit on the bed. “There’s nothing you could’ve done. You need to tell them.”

“They didn’t even know I was pregnant,” the midfielder muttered.

“You didn’t either,” HAO reminded her gently.

“Still,” Carli said shaking her head. “I just can’t...not after losing a baby, their baby.”

HAO gently pulled Carli into a hug. “It’ll be okay,” she promised. “You can have another one.”

“I’m so old though,” Carli said shaking her head. “What if I can’t?”

“You’re only 34,” HAO reminded the midfielder gently. “You still have time.”

“But I still want to play,” Carli said softly. “They won’t let me after they learn about this.”

“Carli,” HAO said sharply. “There was nothing you could’ve done. The doctors told you that.”

“Still,” Carli said weakly. “I- I could’ve done something more. I should’ve....”

The Arsenal midfielder shook her head, taking in her friend’s visage. “Carli,” she said gently. “You did everything you could have. The doctor said so. You will have another child, and you will be okay.”

“Then why doesn’t it feel like enough?” Carli said helplessly. She looked at Heather with tear-filled eyes. “I just don’t want them to hate me.”

“They would never hate you,” Heather said gently. “They love you, nothing can tear you apart.”

“Even though I killed our child?” 

Heather sighed. “Even though you had a _miscarriage_ , yes they’ll still love you.”

“You’re sure?” Carli asked, her voice small.

“I’m sure Car,” HAO said. She pressed a soft kiss to Carli’s hair. “You should tell them.”

Carli nodded. “Not now,” she mumbled. “I want to sleep.”

Heather nodded and stood, going to the door as she watched Carli curl up in her bed. 

“Heather?” Carli called. “Thanks, you know, for everything.”

HAO nodded and left the room. Carli watched her go before grabbing her phone and staring sadly at her lock screen.

“I know you’ll never forgive me,” she whispered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lose our child. I’m so sorry.”

 

\--------

 

Carli appeared in the doorway of her living room, clad in an oversized Stanford Women’s soccer shirt and a pair of Seattle Reign sweats. 

“How are you feeling?” Heather asked softly. 

“Miserable,” Carli muttered. “But I’ll be fine. You should go, you have to meet your team don’t you?”

“I’m not leaving you like this,” HAO said guiding Carli to the couch. She grabbed the midfielder a glass of water before sitting down next to her. “I can take the train back. I’ll be fine. It was just a fun outing anyway.”

Carli stared down at her glass of water. “I don’t want to inconvenience you,” she said softly. “I already have.”

“Car,” Heather said gently. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not,” Carli said. “Go, meet your team. I’ll be fine.”

“Carli-”

“Go, please,” Carli said tears forming in her eyes. “I just need to be alone. Please. Go catch up with your team.”

“Car-” Heather started. “Are you sure.”

Carli nodded. “Please,” she whispered. “Thank you for everything.”

Heather nodded, going to grab her stuff and placing it by the front door. She went back, hugging the brunette huddled on the couch. 

“You’ll be okay,” she whispered softly. “You’ll get through this.”

“Thank you Heather,” Carli said softly. 

“Don’t mention it Carl,” Heather said moving to the door. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”

Carli nodded. 

“Call me when you’re feeling better okay?” Heather said.

The midfielder stared ahead blankly. “We’ll see,” she said. 

Heather sighed before leaving. She waited until she was in the hallway before pulling out her phone. 

“Hey,” she greeted. “When’s the soonest you can get to Manchester?”

“Carli needs you.”

 

\--------

 

Carli sighed as she curled up under the blankets on her bed. Her hand twitched towards her phone. She wanted so badly to call Hope and Kelley, but she couldn’t, not now anyway.

She heard a key turning in the lock and groaned. The last thing she needed was her teammates seeing her like this. 

She flung the covers over her head and curled up into a tight ball beneath them. She could hear faint voices, and the tail end of a conversation before the door opened and shut again.

‘Maybe they’ll leave me alone,’ she thought.

“Babe?”

Carli froze. 

“Babe where are you?”

‘They- they can’t be here. Not- not right now,’ she frantically thought. She felt her chest constricting and blood rushing to her head. She frantically tried to inhale, only to end up choking and sobbing.

Suddenly the covers were thrown off her, and she was gathered into strong arms.

“Hey,” a soft voice whispered. “Just breathe okay? We’re right here.”

“I’m so sorry,” she choked out through her tears and frantic breaths. “So sorry.”

“For what babe?” Kelley asked gently.

“Lost-” the midfielder gasped. 

“Lost what baby?” 

“What’d you lose?” Kelley asked gently, stroking Carli’s forehead. 

“I’m so sorry,” Carli mumbled over and over. “Don’t deserve you.”

“Baby no,” Hope corrected. “We love you, nothing will change that.”

Carli shook her head. “You’ll hate me.”

“She’s feverish,” Kelley said looking at Hope. “I’ll go get some towels and water.”

The defender returned a few minutes later with a glass of water, which she set on the side table, and wet cloths. She gently wiped Carli’s forehead with them, feeling the midfielder’s face eventually cooling down.

“You should sleep,” Kelley said softly. Hope eased Carli down onto the bed, and Kelley snuggled up against her. “You’ll feel better after you get some rest, I swear.”

“I just feel empty,” Carli murmured. 

Hope and Kelley looked at each other, not knowing what to say. 

The keeper pressed herself against Carli’s back, wrapping her arms tightly around the younger woman. Kelley moved so Carli’s face was buried in her neck. 

“Go to sleep baby,” she whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “We’ll be here when you wake up.”

 

\--------

 

When the two awoke, Carli was missing from their arms. Kelley looked at Hope in alarm, but relaxed when she heard the shower turn off. 

The defender stretched lazily before pressing a kiss to Hope’s lips and sauntering to the bathroom. 

“Hey babe,” Kelley greeted, pushing the door open. Carli looked up from where she was hunched over the sink, a towel wrapped around her body.

Kelley wrapped her arms around Carli, letting the exhausted midfielder sink back into her body. 

“You look tired,” she said softly. “We’re here now, let us take care of you.”

Carli nodded wordlessly, turning in Kelley’s arms and allowing the smaller woman to lift her, carrying her back into the bedroom. 

She sighed as Kelley laid her down onto the bed, gently peeling away her towel. Their mouths met, and she groaned into the kiss.

“Let us take care of you,” Kelley whispered, pulling back before kissing down her body.

Carli nodded, moaning as Hope kissed her gently, letting her hands roam all over her body. 

“How do you want us?” Kelley asked, tenderly placing kisses on the midfielder’s stomach. 

“Gentle,” Carli panted. “Just be gentle.”

Kelley nodded before kissing up Carli’s body again, capturing her lips in a fiery kiss. Her hand trailed down tanned flesh, finding the juncture of Carli’s thighs. Carli cried out as Kelley’s fingers traced over her folds. 

“Please,” she murmured. 

Hope moved her hand so it joined Kelley’s, the two moving in tandem as they circled her clit. 

Carli’s hips bucked as Kelley slipped her finger inside. Hope let her hands trail back up to her breasts, teasing and caressing them.

“You’re so wet,” Hope whispered, seeing Carli’s wetness starting to pool on Kelley’s hand. 

Carli whimpered in response. 

“So wet and tight baby,” Kelley moaned. “Just for us.”

The midfielder gasped as Kelley curled her fingers inside her, before pulling out gently. 

“Ready for more?” Kelley asked, before breaking off and staring at her fingers with a gasp.

Carli raised her head and looked, before shakily standing and heading towards the bathroom. 

“Baby, what’s happening?” Kelley asked softly, moving to stand next to Carli who was frantically wiping herself with a towel.

“I- I couldn’t….” she said sobbing. “Please don’t hate me.”

“We could never hate you,” Hope said moving to wrap her arms around the frantic midfielder. 

“When did this happen?” Kelley asked. 

“Not too long ago,” Carli mumbled. 

“Were you alone?” Hope asked sadly. She stared at Carli with sorrowful eyes.

Carli nodded. “I called Heather, because she was in town. She took me to the doctor.”

“Car,” Kelley said softly. “What happened? Please tell us.”

“I- I lost… our child,” the midfielder whispered, her voice cracking. She buried her face in her hands as she sobbed, letting the towel fall to the floor. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me.”

Kelley reeled back, shocked. “You were pregnant?” she whispered. 

Carli nodded. “Five weeks.”

“When we came out last,” Hope murmured. 

Carli nodded. “I didn’t know, and I kept playing.”

“Babe, it’s not your fault,” Kelley said softly. She wrapped Carli in her arms, gently easing them to the floor. 

“I kept playing,” Carli repeated. “I caused this.”

“You didn’t know,” Kelley murmured in her ear. “It’s not your fault.”

Hope joined them on the floor, pulling Carli’s legs into her lap, and draping the midfielder with her towel. “We can try again,” she said. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“I want to play,” Carli said miserably. “But I…”

“If that’s what you want then we’ll wait,” Kelley said gently. “It’s your body.”

“I know,” the midfielder said, her voice trembling. “But I didn’t realize how much I wanted a child until…”

Hope and Carli heard her unspoken words, hugging her tighter. “It’s okay Car,” Kelley whispered. “We know.”

“When you’re ready, we’ll have our little prince or princess to spoil,” Hope murmured after a few moments. 

“You won’t hold it against me?” Carli asked. 

“Hold what against you babe?”

“Losing this child, and making you wait for our next one?” Carli asked softly. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

“Never,” Kelley and Hope said simultaneously. 

“Car, this sucks,” Kelley said bluntly, grunting as Hope smacked her thigh. “But that doesn’t mean we love you any less, or blame you.”

“Neither of us can imagine how you’re feeling,” Hope said shooting a glare at Kelley. “But you know how much we love you, nothing is going to change that.”

Carli gave a choked off laugh in response to Hope and Kelley’s antics. “So you really don’t hate me?” she murmured. 

“Of course not.”

“How could we hate you?”

“Babe, I know it seems like the world is ending, but we love you. Nothing, not even this, can tear us apart,” Kelley whispered. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Carli murmured leaning her head against their shoulders. 

“Together,” Hope said planting a soft kiss on Carli’s forehead. 

“Together,” Carli echoed faintly, sagging even more against the two. 

“Together,” Kelley murmured in agreement. She laced her fingers with Carli’s, holding out her other hand for Hope, smiling faintly as the keeper gripped Kelley’s hand tightly. “It’ll be okay Car, we promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Mistakes are my own, etc. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! Love it, hate it, want more or something a little different? Let me know!


End file.
